Are Pro Dommes Sex Workers?

People love labels. They need to know exactly what you are and what box you fit into. When it comes to the adult industry, it's way easier than most make it out to be.

Are Pro Dommes sex workers?

Yes. We are.

The Stigma Against Sex Work, and a Short History

There's a much longer answer attached to it with an explanation. There are two reasons why I think it's important to be alright about being labeled a sex worker. First, sex work is work! The stigma around sex work must go away. Second, sex work is grossly misunderstood. You are automatically given another label: you're a prostitute, in porn, a "whore." Yes, I've been called that and worse.

Sex work is a wide spectrum of services and professions where sexuality, sexual energy, eroticism, and things of an adult nature are the product. That spectrum includes many things. It includes full-service sex work, sensual massage, escorting, fetish modeling, nude modeling, camming, phone sex, and yes, professional domination. The previously named services aren't the only things included in sex work, but they're a start.

"But you're having sex!" No, you are not. That does not define sex work. Some sex workers might have sex with clients. Others don't even touch clients. Phone sex operators don't touch clients. People who do live cam shows don't touch clients. Fetish models and nude models don't always touch others. Many models aren't even fully nude. As a Pro Domme, a client cannot have sex with me, they never see me uncovered, and they are not allowed to touch me without my permission.

Some sex workers do have sex with clients. Other sex workers do not. Automatically believing any sex worker has sex with people for money is outdated, backward, and harmful. We do not.

What about the people who do have sex with clients? They're sex workers. They're doing their job. You can wax poetic about morals as much as you want to, but I will remind you they are participating in an ancient and often recognized profession. You'll often hear people say it's the "oldest profession." That's only been a saying since the late 19th century, popularized by Rudyard Kipling. The truth is, the earliest archaeological evidence for prostitution dates back to 2400 BCE in Mesopotamia and Sumer. (See: The Origin of Prostitution in Ancient Mesopotamia - Gerda Lerner)

Sex work has been around long, long before your modern sensibilities were repressed into believing it was some form of right or wrong. Keeping the idea of sex work as nothing more than prostitution, and the idea that sex work is somehow a modern equivalent of a stain, can be challenged by history itself and a little bit of logic. If you're unable to find the logic in it, that's not my problem. It's yours.

Why Do Some Dommes Insist They Aren't Sex Workers?

I will start by writing that I don't want to argue with or trivialize the Pro Dom(me)s who feel they are not sex workers. In fact, I'd much rather one of them reach out to me, because I would love to talk about it, not to debate, but to really see their perspective. In my time doing this work, I have only met Dommes online who insist against the label. Seriously, if you are a Pro Domme who dislikes being considered a sex worker, check the site and reach out. I'd adore a discussion about it.

The resistance to being called a sex worker often comes from two places (in my experience). Many Dommes want to distance their work because they have a keen understanding of the label and want to be seen as more respectable or more performance-oriented. There are also those who have a hard time separating themselves from any moralistic definition of sex work they were raised with and have a need to keep people in an assigned box. Again, I am not trivializing either; I'm only stating what I have experienced.

In my own opinion, trying to separate professional domination from sex work usually ends up throwing other sex workers under the bus. It implies there's a "good" and "bad" side to it, creating a false and damaging hierarchy. While there is a hierarchy I'll recognize within professional domination itself (more experienced vs. less experienced, and online only vs. in person, educators, etc.), that hierarchy isn't one where someone is able to lord over another person. Nor is it a way for someone to use their credentials to make another feel like they're lesser. Instead, it's an unspoken hierarchy where someone at the top of the ladder is able to use their experience to teach and help the ones who are newer, keeping this side of sex work risk-aware, consensual, and learned.

Yes, I am a Pro Domme. Yes, I am a sex worker. Both of these exist together without minimizing who I am as an educated woman.