A BDSM Newb’s Guide to Classes

Whatever your reason, let me congratulate you for the fact you are exploring BDSM beyond just fantasy, the pages of a book, or what you watch online. Here's something you should know before anything else - this is a skill based lifestyle. Like dance, martial arts, cooking, painting, or even woordworking, you will learn faster, and do better if you take real classes from experienced people who know their craft.

Why BDSM Beginners Need Classes

Classes teach you the framework of safely exploring kink. They take you through negotiation, consent, aftercare, anatomy, risk awareness, and help you develop skills you need to explore the things you're interested in. Yeah, you can Google "how to spank" and you'll get a hundred different answers. Without the right context of negotiation, consent, safety, and skill, you might be gambling with harming someone.

If you are a newbie Top, that's a big deal. We hurt with consent and risk awareness. We do not harm. Something as simple as spanking can harm if you don't know what you're doing.

Classes also connect you with your local community or a community at large. You will meet people who share your interests, learn the language of the scene, and get a clearer idea of what's right for you. And who is right for you. That's worth a lot more than a YouTube tutorial.

Find Local Classes

Local classes are your best starting point. You'll get in-person feedback and individualized attention. Someone can correct your technique, answer questions in real time, and help you navigate things.

You can start finding local classes by searching on FetLife. Think of it as a kinky Facebook with all the stupidity of social media. No, I'm not on FetLife, because I hate social media. For a newbie, it's a must. Just check the events in your local city or nearby cities for classes.

If you know of local spaces, you can look at their websites or social media accounts. Many dungeons and kink-friendly venues host regular classes. Look for "101" workshops, one-off classes, or beginner series. Brick-and-mortar stores that cater to adult interests may have a bulletin board of some type. Some do, and some don't.

Find Online Classes

If you aren't ready to go into a play space, or if you live in an area where this isn't made easily available to you, online classes are perfect. They still allow you to learn from experienced people, and help you build skills.

Once again, FetLife is a good place to start looking. Tons of online classes are advertised there. Kink Academy, and Shibari Study also offer on-demand classes. Most online classes are taught on Zoom or through on-demand libraries. You might also find classes on Patreon, since some adult creators who have a Patreon also offer classes to subscribers.

It is important to take a look at the presenter when going for an online class. Check their credentials, see what they've done, and find out their involvement in the community.

What about YouTube or TikTok? Hell no. I'll say it a second time, there are some good, experienced teachers putting content on YouTube and TikTok. They are sadly delivered to you with a bunch of idiots who don't know what they're talking about. You have no way to vet them. Just leave it alone.

Start Slow

Remember in my newbie newb post I said you should begin by asking yourself and/or your partner a series of questions? This will also help you decide what classes to take. Start small, and start slow. You can not and will not learn everything in a day, a week, or even a month. It's a lifetime of learning. I have been in the lifestyle for 20 years, and I still take classes. I still learn new things and new skills.

If you want to know my recommendation? Always begin with a 101 type class. Something that teaches you the basics of this lifestyle. Before you touch another person or learn a single skill, you must learn about consent, safety, risk awareness, and negotiation.